I am so grateful for the out pour of love shown to me and my family. The battle is still raging on but God refreshed me in Him today. I feel this past week I depended on others more than I ever have before on pleading to God for grace to see me through each day. It was like I was trusting more in other people's prayers and their quiet times than my own. Isaiah 49:15b-16 "yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me." I know God will never forget about me, even when I put Him on the back burner of my life at times.
Here's what I read in my Jesus Today: "I am taking care of you. I know how hard this is to believe when conditions that are troubling you get worse instead of better. It's easy to feel as if I am letting you down-as if I really don't care about what you're going through. You know I could instantly change your circumstances, and you can't understand why I seem to be so unresponsive to your prayers. But I repeat: I am taking care of you.
To become aware of My loving Presence, you need to relax and stop trying to control things. Give up your futile efforts to think your way through your problems. Fall back into My strong arms with a sigh of trust. Cease striving and simply enjoy being in My Presence. Though there are many things you don't understand, you can rest in My unfailing Love. This Love is independent of all circumstances, and it will never be taken away from you.
Although My ways may be mysterious and unfathomable, My Love is perfect and everlasting. Watch in hope for Me, remember that I am God your Savior."
I told Jordan and Tony both that even though things seem to be getting worse, I feel God is healing me. I've gone 20 months with different types of chemo and have had little to no side effects and now the nausea seems to be overtaking my everyday life. I'm trusting that things are finally working in my body. My oncologist is out on maternity leave so I've been talking to a nurse practitioner and the research assistant and they have considered taking me off the clinical trial, but I truly believe God is working ALL things out for my good and for His glory and I do not want to stop the medication. Isaiah 49:26b "Then all flesh shall know that I am the Lord your Savior, and your Redeemer, the Mighty One of Jacob." I told both Tony & Jordan that it doesn't matter how bad things might get, it doesn't change the fact that I will still praise Jesus. I will praise Him here on earth and I will praise Him in Heaven!!!!!
Each day is a new day of seeing God's grace and during these difficult times, I still sense God is showing me that He is all I really need. Here is a prayer sent to me from Kathy Hedges that was written by James McDonald when he was in the midst of very difficult dark days of his life-he beat cancer, a wayward child and a congregation that tried to bring him down all within 2 years. She sent this to me last week, but for some reason (a God Wink) I needed it more today. "Lord, I know I don't thank You enough for the difficulties You allow in my life. And I admit it would be difficult for me to ask You for more! But I know the hardest moments of life have led to my deepest longing for You, my clearest understanding of Your ways, and my most significant steps forward in growth. Thank You for Your amazing patience in waiting for my thanks to flow after the fact more often than during the trial. Please continue to teach me that what I need for tomorrow and the rest of my life is what You are providing through hardship today. In Jesus' name, Amen!
Here is a new song that was part of my refreshing today that I wanted to share:
"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."