"Be Still and Know"

Jordan, Dawn, Kristy, Beth & Heather

Dawn, Kristy & Beth

My day began at 11:40 am today.  That's how well I slept all night and I didn't want to get up because I didn't have any pain lying in my "cocoon" (recliner).  The pressure is gone in my stomach but the pain from the catheter that was in my stomach has caused  me quiet a bit of pain.  I was able to eat breakfast and today was the first time in a while that water actually tasted good without making me feel bloated.  The group of ladies in the top picture came over at 1:00pm and laid their hands on me and prayed over me.  I truly believe there is power in the name of Jesus when 2 or 3 are gathered together asking for God's will to be done.  

Dawn, Kristy and Beth walked around the whole inside of our house praying for my healing.  These ladies truly pray believing God is going to do great things!!!  I am so grateful for the time they took to come and spend time with me and knowing that by faith, God was listening.  The peace and calmness they brought with them was amazing.

Jordan sent me a link to a song later this afternoon and it's exactly what I need to rest in.  "Be Still and Know that I am God".  Sometimes I want to rush ahead and make everything perfect and take away the suffering that so many are facing. Sometimes when we truly are still we can hear Him speak the loudest.  It's easier to have faith when others are around and encouraging you, but when you are alone, that's when I feel like He can speak to my spirit.  He is my refuge and strength and the present help in times of trouble.  May we always find a time in our days know matter if its going good or bad and know that He is God!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5ZGM8ESnqg

"Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."

"Answered Prayer"

After many prayers on my behalf, God relieved some of the pressure in my stomach last night, and I was able to rest well.  I was told to be at the hospital by noon.  At 3:00pm I was taken back to the outpatient surgery area.  They gave me a local anesthetic and I was awake during the procedure.  A catheter was inserted into my stomach attached to a suction tube in the wall.  Approximately 40 minutes later I had at least 2 liters of fluid drained off of my stomach.  The pressure was gone.  Thank you Jesus!!!  My stomach is sore but nothing like the pain I've been having.

The outpouring of love and prayers has been incredible.  It was like God heard prayers right away last night and gave me such peace and rest.  The fluids drained will be sent off to see if it is cancerous.  I know I serve a God of miracles and He will take care of whatever the outcome is.  My family is so grateful for the love of others and will continue to praise Him in the calm and storms of our lives.  I wish I could share every word of encouragement that I received immediately through out the night and day.  God uses His people in ways that are unexplainable but it's without a doubt Him working through others to show me how great He loves me.  To God be the glory, great things He continues to do!

I have rested all afternoon and had Tony at my every beck and call.  He would do anything for me.  I have had sharp pains shooting through my stomach all afternoon but feel its from the catheter being jammed through my skin and muscles and trust is will subside soon.

Psalm 119:49-50 "Remember your word to your servant, in which you have made me hope.  this is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life."

"Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."

"Prayer Warriors Needed"

On Sunday I started having some abdominal pain.  The pain was more severe than it was a year ago when I was first diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer.  I have been sleeping in one of our recliners to get relief during the night.  I felt like something was wrong but also believed if it was the chemo causing the pain, I could accept it.  Today it was worse so I called my doctor and they were able to see me earlier this afternoon.  I feel like I've done 1,000 situps and look 6 months pregnant.  I felt if a pin would stick into my stomach, I could get instant relief.   The doctor decided to do a CT scan of my abdomen.  Late this afternoon, it was confirmed from my CT scan done in December, that my tumor cells are growing in my abdomen and fluid is building up in pockets.  The plan is for me to go in tomorrow as an outpatient to remove the fluid from my abdomen and the doctor said I should have immediate relief.  I will be under local anesthesia and an interventional radiologist will be doing the procedure using Ultrasound to see exactly where the fluid has built up.  There is a new chemo drug that has proven to be very effective for Colon, Breast and I think Prostate Cancer.  It has also shown to work in Ovarian Cancer but my insurance it not wanting to pay.  My prayer is that the right person will be able to get past all the paper work and give my doctor the release to treat me as soon as possible.  It's weird that an insurance company can overrule a doctor's prescription that is needed.  I know Who is in control and when God is for you, nothing can stand in His way to work ALL things out for His Glory. 

Here's a verse a dear friend shared with me today and is she is believing and praying it over my life;

1 Peter 1:7

The Message (MSG)

^6-7 I know how great this makes you feel, even though you have to put up with every kind of aggravation in the meantime. Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine. When Jesus wraps this all up, it’s your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory.

I still believe this journey is not about me, but about me allowing God to use me to let others know how amazing He is.  

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2xYMa6zA3c 

 

I can rest in peace tonight knowing that it is well with my soul.  Our faith someday will be sight when we see Him return or He calls us home.   My faith is for His victory!!!

"Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."

"I Will Trust Him"

There has been a roller coaster of emotions in my life over this past year but I can truly say that God has never left me or forsaken me.  That no matter what has come my way, He has been there with me through it all.  He has all of my hopes, needs, fears, dreams and all of my life held in His hands and I will continue to trust Him.  So thankful that His mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness!!!

 

G-Ma with the boys, Rhett & Hudson!!!

Here is a song that I recently have been listening to and has brought me a lot of comfort.  I pray as you listen to it, you will give all your hopes, dreams and fears to the only One that can bring peace in the midst of the storms in our lives. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gk_HBla7C28

"Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."

"The Battle Is On"

I had my third round of new chemo today.  Before going in, my mind had regrouped and I am ready to finish this battle!!  I had a friend send me some information about diet tips and fighting cancer from John Hopkins Research.  I read the information and it seems to make sense.  When I was first diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer over a year ago my doctor wasn't concerned with what I ate, as long as I continued to eat and maintained my weight.  A year later, I am sad to say my weight has not maintained and it is a struggle not to lose more.  I knew going into today that my cancer markers would probably be up higher.  On the way to treatment I told Jordan I wasn't concerned about the number at all.  I could tell the way my body is feeling that the numbers were going to be up.  My cancer markers were 288 a year ago and today they are now at 322.8 My oncologist came to the chemo room to check on me and was pleased to say that she thought I looked better than I did a month ago.  The lymph node in my neck has gone down considerably.  I'm not sure what I looked like a month ago for her to think I look better, but I will trust that she wouldn't tell me differently, considering she is the doctor.  I talked to her about the effects of eating properly and her opinion was the same as my other doctor.  She wasn't concerned about what I eat as long as I eat and keep my weight up.  After she left, the nurse taking care of me encouraged me to look into the "Hallelujah Diet".  This is a radical step to take, but a lot of it makes good sense.  I'm making a commitment to make some changes to better my health.  I know God gives us wisdom and wants the best for our lives.  He uses man to give us guidance, but He also gives us brains to make wise choices.  Tony is committed to make whatever changes are needed to support me and join in with this battle. 

Romans 8:35-39  "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?  As it is written , For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered,  No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

No matter the battle that wages on in my life, I've already won the fight.  Jesus already paid it all!  He's given me a new strength today to want to fight and do all I can to win this battle.  I am thankful for a refreshing in spirit through Him today.

Our little grand baby was discharged from the hospital today.  He now weighs 4lbs.12oz.  The doctor is very pleased with how he is doing.  I had to post this picture because if you knew my son and the fact that he used a can of Rotel to compare the size of his baby is priceless!

Rhett Joseph is tiny!!

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it." 

"Grand-baby #8"

We are so thankful to welcome Rhett Joseph into our family.   After a long day of laboring for Jenna, our 8th grand-baby finally arrived at 10:28 pm on February 20th.  He weighed 5lbs12oz, 19 inches long.  He was born 3 weeks early, but he and Jenna are doing great!!

Proud big brother and daddy!!

Jordan and I were allowed to be in the delivery room and there is nothing more amazing than seeing your grandchild being brought into this world.  A true miracle right before your very eyes!!!! I'm not sure how anyone can say there is no Creator when you experience such an amazing testimony of God's great love.  Psalms 139:13-16 "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.  My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."
If you had life today and were breathing, you are a miracle of God's great plan!! He knew the day we would be brought into this world and the day He will take us away.  I choose to praise Him for all His goodness to me in my life!

I was scheduled for chemo yesterday but with all the excitement of new life coming I didn't want to take a chance on missing anything.  I did have labs drawn and saw the doctor.  My chemo is rescheduled for tomorrow at 1:00pm.  I had a CT scan on Tuesday and it showed there is more growth of tumor cells.  My oncologist wants to start me on another new chemo drug once is it approved for Ovarian Cancer.  Tomorrow will be my 3rd treatment of Doxil and I must admit, it has been harder on my body.  I had very few side effects last year while on chemo compared to this new treatment.  I have to prepare my mind that if I'm having side effects, chemo must be working and killing the cancer cells.  I know God has plans for me and I will continue to keep my eyes on Him.  Some days are more difficult than others, and I am thankful when I have bad days, I have a husband that allows me to fall into his arms and he continues to love on me.  It's amazing to think of how much Tony loves me, that I have a Father in Heaven that loves me even more than I can comprehend and is my strength each day.  We have a little over a month before our trip to Hawaii (a gift given to us) and I am praying for healing in the name of Jesus so we can both enjoy the time away together. 

"Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."

"Wedding Pictures Update"

It's been 3 1/2 months since Jordan and David's wedding and I have not taken the time to order any pictures or share them with anyone.  It is tough picking out your favorite, when your son is the photographer and did an awesome job capturing every moment!!   These pictures make me very happy and I'm still rejoicing over this beautiful day of celebration.  Hope you will enjoy the journey with me:

Her day was finally here!!!

Jenna & Jordan-they love being "sisters"

David & Jordan saw each other before the wedding ceremony.  No one was allowed outside with them except for Bryan to capture the moment!

Love this!!!

He's so handsome!!

David's family

"The Buettemeyer Grandparents" 

Our kids & grand-kids

 

 

My Family!!!

Proud Momma!!!!!

He loved her enough to be the "mean" dad and to cherish this day!!!!

Proud brother!!! Love my kids!!!

Two of our favorite people!! Hutch & Maegan

Priceless!!!

He did good!!!

 

 

"Treasured Moment"

You would have never known they saw each other earlier by the look on David's face.

 

The First Kiss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The kissing continues..........

She was finally thankful for all the times that Tony said NO and protected her!!!

Priceless picture with her grandad!!!

Love that the Buettemeyer's made it to this special day!!

I have plenty more to share but this gives you a small glimpse of the great memories I'll will always cherish!!!

"Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."

"True Love"

One year ago today I had my first chemo treatment with my "true love" by my side.  I am so grateful to say today that our love for each other has grown more over this past year and the appreciation I have for Tony Pate is more than I can put into words.  Here is how I would describe my husband's love:

Love is patient and kind.  Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.  It does not demand it's own way.  It is not irritable , and it keeps no record of being wronged.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful and endures through every circumstance." I Corinthians 13::4-5,7

Tony has cherished me and loved me more than I could have ever dreamed or imagined.  I have nothing to give to him physically right now but he continues to nurture and love me all the more.  I was thinking about his love toward me this morning and how blessed I am, then I realized, the love that Jesus has for me is even greater and my heart was overjoyed by such grace.  I am so grateful I'm the one privileged to be Tony Pate's bride.  Happy Valentine's Day to my "True Love"!!!!!

I am scheduled for chemo next Tuesday and as of today I would say my body is not ready for any more treatments.  I've waited all week to hear from a Urologist and for some reason that has not happened.  The thrush is gone from my mouth and throat but I've had no appetite for food.  Tony and I drove to our "favorite" hamburger place in Pea Ridge since we hadn't been there in a long time and he said his burger was wonderful and mine seemed to taste like card board.  I'm all about food so it made me sad that the burger didn't get me going.   I'm ready to enjoy eating again and gaining some weight.  So many women want to lose weight, then there are those of us that would love to gain weight.  I'm praying and trusting that enjoyment of food will come back soon for me. 

Since it isn't fun for me to eat, we decided to give Bryan and Jenna a night together, before baby #2 arrives,
while we kept our "little Valentine" boy.  (You may not be able to watch the following video on your phone or ipad)

I forgot to blog about my first hair cut.  I went last Friday to get it trimmed and shaped up and it was amazing how much she cut off.  I think I will be leaving my hair short and all natural.  It's nice not having to worry about the color, wind, rain or a bad hair day.  It is what it is!

Lots of Gray!!!!

I have a 4 day weekend ahead of me to continue to rest and take care of my body.

Psalms 91:14-16 "Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him, I will protect him, because he knows my name.  When he calls to me, I will answer him, I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him.  With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation."  I'm believing and trusting in these verses over my life and the life of others I am praying for. 

"Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."

"Gotta Slow Down"

I'm not sure how to begin this post.  First, I need to learn to be still and know He is God!

Since December 31st I've done nothing but go, go,go!  I've been to Atlanta, GA, Osage, MO and twice to Texas, all within one month.  On top of traveling so much I've continued working and I've had another round of chemo and my body is screaming "time out"!!!!   Im not sure if it's all the traveling, chemo or combination that has my immune system struggling.  I've had some female issues that have caused me misery, along with thrush in my mouth and throat and severe rash under my arms.

We had a big weekend for our mom's on Friday night and Saturday morning with over 100 moms.  I spoke twice running fever the first night, but my friends prayed over me and the fever went away.  Saturday afternoon began our annual girl's event called String of Pearls and we had 135 girls participate and it ended today at noon.  Through all the struggles I've had a very difficult time eating and swallowing, therefore causing unwanted weight loss.  I'm asking for my friends, family and blogging network to pray for me and that my body can get some relief.  I actually came home early last night instead of staying with the girls at the hotel and slept in my own bed.  I have to admit, I was in bed the whole day and look forward to sleeping again tonight.   I will be calling my OB/GYN oncologist tomorrow to try and get in this week for some relief that might require a minor surgery.  Through all of this my loving husband has nurtured me and taken such great care of me, but he's calling a time out for me too.

Update on my dad; he was moved last Monday to a rehab facility and progressing forward each day.  He's so ready to be home and we are praying that will be in the very near future.

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"February 2nd, One Year Later"

I went in for out patient surgery one year ago today to remove my gall bladder.  I still have my gall bladder and the journey I began with Ovarian Cancer has not ended.  I was originally told there would be 3 rounds of chemo to "de-bulk" the tumor, then surgery for a complete hysterectomy, followed by 3 more rounds of chemo.  Everything went according to the doctor's plan at the beginning.  The original chemo I started on stopped working so now, 10 total rounds of chemo later, I am trusting in God's plan and I know that He works ALL things out for good and He says to rejoice in all things.  Sometimes doubt creeps into my mind, but I serve a God that has never failed me.  I am thankful for the grace He gives me to face each new day.  At the present I am scheduled for 4 more rounds of chemo treatments.  I am so grateful for a husband that has loved on me more than I could ever dreamed of and has stayed by my side.  He told me from the very beginning that we would beat this disease together.  Tony Pate is my hero!

Today we celebrated my dad's 82nd birthday in the hospital.  He had all 6 of kids (grown adults) there by his side and I'm not sure we have all been together at the same time or not.  The doctor walked in while we were all visiting and he didn't look too happy, but I quickly told him that today was a special day for our dad and he seemed to be okay with all of us being there.  My dad knew everyone's names and even knew my nephew's new wife's name after only 3 months of marriage.  He actually remembered her maiden name and we thought he was a little looney because he said her name was "Friday".  He was right and made us all smile.  I'm not sure he will remember this day or not but I am so thankful God allowed all of us to be there for him and we celebrated his life together as a family.

Mother, Mike, David, Me, Karen, Linda and Vicky

"Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."