"Mixed Emotions"

What a blessing to see how God answers prayers right before your very eyes.  Last Thursday we were given very little hope that my dad would get better and I think we all thought by the end of this week, a funeral might be taking place.  I am thankful to know that only God knows the days He has ordained for our lives and is the One in control of every breath we take.  Today my dad's ventilator was dropped to 40% and his oxygen level is maintaining in the high 90's.  The machine is breathing 8 times per minute for him, and he is taking 12 breaths on his own.   They still have him heavily sedated but are beginning to drop the sedation to a lower amount later this evening.  At the end of last week, I cancelled my chemo for this week but soon realized that was not the wisest decision, thanks to my caring husband, Tony.  After seeing my dad's improvement this morning, I called and set up my chemo for tomorrow.  So thankful God worked out my flight home to coordinate the timing to get in and have blood work, see the doctor, then have chemo all in one day.  The doctor plans on getting my dad off the ventilator possibly tomorrow and I am sad not to be with him when he is able to talk again, but so thankful to know he will talk someday soon.   

I went back to the hospital tonight for the last visiting hour to tell my dad goodbye.  I was afraid I would be bawling, but God gave me such a peace about saying good-bye, that I didn't cry at all.  I am a very emotional person and I know that was only by God's grace and prayers on my behalf, that I didn't cry.  I am thankful for this past week and the opportunity to be with my parents and to know Who is control of everything.  My dad has a long way to go to be able to come home again, but each new day I have seen small improvements.  I don't want to tell my mom good-bye tomorrow morning but I do know that she will be okay too.  She has a great church family that will watch over her as well as my other siblings.  I am also thankful for my friends that live here that will check in on her. 

I am ready to be back home with Tony and my family.  I wish I could be in two places at one time.  I have only been home 6 days this month and it's time to try and get back to a normal life, if there is such a thing.  I pray all goes well for my trip home and that everything will go smoothly with my chemo.  God has given me so much grace this past week and has been my strength to carry me through each day. 

"Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."