"Anticipation, Frustration, Disappointment"

We arrived at MD Anderson at our scheduled time of 9:30am.  I had filled out a lot of paper work prior to my visit.  We waited about 15 minutes before my name was called.  We met with a lady and signed documents and returned to the waiting area.  After 3 1/2 hours of waiting we finally saw a doctor.  She was not the doctor my original appointment was set up with, but asked me a lot of questions, then left the room to consult with my doctor.  They soon both returned, did a physical exam and told Tony and I they would meet us in the conference room.  I'm not sure what I expected to hear, but my heart was very discouraged after our meeting.  We were basically told that with my diagnosis "clear cell carcinoma"', an uncommon residual of Ovarian cancer, would be better turned over to a clinical trial.  The chemo drugs I have been on would not be effective.  Tony and I left to go eat lunch and my heart was very heavy.  It could have been the fact that it was 2pm and we had not eaten lunch.  There is so much to be grateful for but at that moment all I could see was darkness of sick people all around me.  When you let your guard down, Satan moves in quickly to steal your joy.  I was mad at myself for being so emotional and couldn't seem to get it under control.  I went to have lab work drawn then returned upstairs to meet with a scheduler for tomorrow's appointments.

We met with the scheduler and were sent to have an ultrasound on my leg.  Since having chemo last week my right calf muscle has felt like an on going leg cramp and they wanted to rule out a blood clot.  I did not get done with my ultrasound until after 5pm.  The radiologist could not get in touch with my doctor.  I was told there are small blood clots in my leg and that my doctor would have to give me a treatment plan.  We left MD Anderson feeling very defeated today.  I felt like a "number" that was lost in some sort of processing.  We do not have any other appointments scheduled at this point.  I was told a CT scan would be done tomorrow and a meeting with the Phase 1 doctor for a clinical trial study would happen tomorrow as well.  We are not sure what the next step is.  I do know that I had set my expectations so high for coming to Houston and after a long crazy day yesterday of trying to get here along with the tiredness of the day of waiting, my emotional roller coaster went crazy.  We returned back to our hotel a little after 6pm emotionally drained.  We've decided to call it an evening and refresh ourselves with food and rest and praying for a better day tomorrow.  We know God is in control and will trust in Him and not in man.

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it"