"Thoughts Of Thanksgiving Week"

 My thoughts today November24th, 2013

The week of Thanksgiving officially began on the calendar today.  I pray I never have to wait until this week to be grateful for ALL God has done and continues to do for me.  I'm sitting on a plane headed to Breckenridge, CO to spend quality refreshing time with my family.  This is our first official "family vacation".  We'll have three of our four married kids along with us and seven out of eight grand kids together at a home in the mountains for the week provided by Tony's amazing friend. Since my last big battle of hospitalization I've seen God literally pick me up and carry me through this storm.  It has been quiet a journey, but He's never left my side and continues to show me grace and strength for each new day. 

Several months ago I was afraid  that I would cause our family to miss out on this trip.  Jordan and I were on our way home from Oklahoma after seeing a young man lose his fight against cancer.  I wasn't feeling well and was so ready to be back home.  Jordan was looking for a song to play for me that reminded her of my life and I was wondering in my mind would I physically be able to make a trip to Colorado without health issues and would I be burdensome to my family. As I was deep in my thoughts I looked up and on the side of the road there was a sign that said "Colorado Lift Tickets".  That may not seem weird, but the timing and location was nothing but God "winking" at me to give me hope that this trip would become possible.  The sign was in the middle of nowhere in Oklahoma and the timing was not a coincidence like some would claim, but just another reminder that God is in every detail of our lives. 

The kids and grand kids will be out purchasing lift tickets tomorrow and tackling the snow slopes.  I'm so thankful to know I will not be putting on skis but can go out and watch them have a great time.  

November 26th Tuesday

Everyone has adapted well to the altitude after some much needed rest from traveling to get to Colorado.  The first day of travel is always the longest and hardest, but God sent His angel armies all around us and allowed us safety even through the snow storm while driving to our vacation home for the week.  The home is incredible in the midst of the mountains.  All the adults have their own bedrooms.  The adults with kids had to share rooms, but beds were available for everyone.  Tony and I had the master suite and God was into every detail of our room.  The king size bed and pillows are exactly what we have at home, so we didn't even have to adjust to a new mattress.  That may seem like a coincidence, but I say it is another "God wink". He has provided everything for our week of refreshment and relaxation.  We were able to find a Walmart with box fans in Colorado in the middle of Winter. Our family believes box fans are the best way to get good rest to drown out the noise, especially when you have 15 people including 2 toddlers and a baby under one roof.  

Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves whether hanging out at the  house or on the ski slopes.  I am so thankful my appetite has increased and I'm getting plenty of rest.  The menu was planned out for the entire week, and after several hours of grocery shopping, Tony and Kimberly conquered the list of every item and ingredient.  There will probably be several more runs to the store, but the bulk of the food shopping was accomplished.  

Thanksgiving Day-Blessed beyond measure.  Everyone did their part to help prepare an unbelievable meal for our Turkey dinner.  We all were able to go out and play in the snow and even conquered getting a family picture before our meal.  Afterwards we all just relaxed and had no agenda.  The best part of the day was in the evening.  After putting the 2 little ones to bed we had a family worship service.  Everyone shared what they were thankful for and we worshipped together in songs as a family and ended our evening in prayer.  There was no doubt God was in the midst and He provided a moment I think we'll always cherish.  I love Psalm 121 because I feel that is what God did for us all week.  We lifted our eyes to the hills (mountains) and the closeness of His grace and presence was with us all week.   He never slumbered or slept but kept His care over us.  To  have 5 separate families come together and truly enjoy time together with no arguing or dysfunctional times for a whole week is a miracle.  We truly soaked in God's goodness with such gratitude for allowing us time do rest in Him.  

I truly felt so many prayers being poured out over me this past week.  I rested well along with a small appetite and relaxed the whole time other than a little shopping on Wednesday.  After everyone else left early Friday morning, Tony and I had a day alone with our twins.  We took them to dinner at Bubba Gump and it is always an extra blessing to spend time with the most amazing teenagers I've ever met.  

Kaitlyn & Kimberly

We are now back on our flight home and I have mixed emotions.  I can look back and see that this week was definitely orchestrated by God's hand in every area.  We step back into reality in a few short hours, but I'm at peace with whatever lies ahead.  I could die tonight and feel my life was complete because of ALL Jesus has done for me.  He has been my everything and without Him  I have no Hope or true Joy.  My heart's desire is to watch my grand babies grow up and live their lives totally sold out to Him and I am so thankful for our grown adult children having the same desire to raise their kids pointing them to our Savior in their daily lives.  Nothing is more taxing and rewarding than a young family raising their children in this world and teaching God's principles and truths. But seeing your fruits/ reward when your kids become parents themselves with the right perspective is an unexplainable blessing. 

Thank you for all the prayers and thoughts towards our family this week.  The pictures below give you a small glimpse of our blessed week.  

Kaitlyn, Kimberly, Rhett, Me, Tony, Jaxon, Cadence, Addison & Hudson

The Pate Gang

The Buettemeyer Gang

The Street Couple

Me & my best friend

Bryan, Me & Jordan

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"Answered Prayers"

Prayers are being answered on my behalf.  Today has been my best day in a long time.  The nausea and lower back pain have been very minimal.  I've been getting good rest and sleep at night.  I was able to feel good trying to get all our winter ski clothes together for this upcoming week's travel.   For the first time in over a month I was able to go out and eat.  Tony took me to eat fish tacos because it actually sounded decent to me.  Praise the Lord I was able to eat them and they tasted good.   We did a little shopping and my body felt stronger than it has in a long time.  God is so good and I know it's because of His grace things are getting better.  Thank you for so many prayers and encouragement from so many of you.   God is listening and answering.  

We are so thankful to have someone staying at our home while we are gone.  We have a good friend coming to town that needed a place to stay, so it works out good for both families.   We know God is going before us this week and we are expecting an amazing refreshing week for our whole family.  We will not have Internet at the condo but all the more to relax and refresh away from part of social media.   We will have cell phone service. 

I have been so grateful for this day and my health.  I've been thanking and praising Jesus all day. 

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it." 

"Learning Life's Blessings"

I've learned some important lessons and life blessings lately.  Never take what you have for granted.  I didn't realize how truly blessed I've been all my life and feel God has not received all the praise He deserves from me.  I never realized the ability to taste and smell was so important to enjoying the food I was eating.  My appetite is still gone and eating food can be such a challenge.  The only thing that has tasted good to me since yesterday are party bean burritos from Taco Bueno.  Those that know me well know that I've always been a huge fan of Taco Bueno, so this is a big praise for me. I've also taken for granted falling to sleep and sleeping the whole night.  Last night was the first time I've fallen to sleep quickly, but woke up a few hours later and had issues going back to sleep.  I was finally able to get some sleep and rest several hours later and woke up feeling more refreshed than I have in a long time.  Having a healthy back with no back pain has been taken for granted by me as well.  I have several cancer spots in my lower spine and we met with the radiologist yesterday and determined that I should do another round of radiation after the Thanksgiving holiday. (11 in all) There will be no mask over my face for this round of radiation.  Thank you Jesus!  The ability to walk around freely and breath easily was never truly appreciated.  My lungs are now clear of fluid after last week's procedure and it feels so good not to be short of breath and now breathe so easily. I can also now walk without feeling like there are 20 pound weights on each leg due to all the fluids/swelling built up in my body from home health care saline drip twice a day.    I could name so many more things, but the point is, I want to praise God for ALL He has done and continues to do for me and realize grumbling and complaining brings no glory or praise to Him.  He has given me an amazing life and He deserves my best and not my left overs. 

Jordan and I were able to go out late yesterday afternoon to have our nails done.  It was such a special treat and great time for both of us.  

I was able to go with Jordan today and we picked up Hudson from Mother's day out and went to Sam' Club.  It feels so good to be able to get out of the house and feel life coming back into me.  I need the rest of the week to continue to go well so we can get on the plane Sunday and have a wonderful week in Colorado with our family for Thanksgiving.  I'm praying each day I will gain more strength and be able to get my sense of taste and smell back.  I'm praying and trusting for a great relaxing fun week for all our family in Colorado and that my health issues will not be a burden. 

Everyday so many people encourage me on this journey.  Family, friends and people I will never meet.  I am so thankful for the strength and power that comes from prayers and encouragement.  There is a battle raging on, but God is working all things out for my good and His glory.  I pray He will make the most of me while I have breath on this earth.  Below is a new song that Jordan heard today and I wanted to share it.  It's called "You Make The Most Of Me by Marie Miller.  

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=KGWKD7NX 
 
On my own
I'm afraid to step out on the sea
All alone
No mountain will move for me

But You breathe Your life into my soul
You take away the impossible
I can feel Your mystery moving in my hands and feet
Leading me through disbelief, finding strength when I feel weak

You make the most of me
You make the most of me

With You here
I see sight return to the blind
When You're near
I can watch the dead come to life

You shine Your light into our souls
You make all things possible
I can feel Your mystery moving in my hands and feet
Leading me through disbelief, finding strength when I feel weak

You make the most of me
You make the most of me

When I don't have the words
You will be my voice
When I don't understand
I will still rejoice

You make the most of me
You make the most of me
You make the most of me
You make the most of me

I can feel Your mystery moving in my hands and feet
Leading me through disbelief, finding strength when I feel weak

You make the most of me
You make the most of me
You make the most of me
You make the most of me

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"Journey Around The World"

When I began this journey with cancer 21 months ago I had no idea the battle would still be raging on.  I thought it would be less than a year ordeal and that we would move on with our lives.  God apparently  had other plans for me.  I decided from the beginning it would be easier to blog about my journey so my family and friends would always know what was going on in my life and be kept up to date more easily.  What I didn't realize is that people from all over the world would get connected to my blog.  I have said from the very beginning that I was on God's journey and I wanted to share His story and to know it wasn't about me, but about trying to represent Him well.  I always read the comments that are posted but never look to see where all the people live that read my blog.  Saturday night my kids gave me a very special gift.  It is a canvas of the world with red pins marking all the different locations where people read my blog.  I was overwhelmed to see how far God has taken this story. He alone is doing great things!

Our journey as a family.

Red dots represent locations where my blog is being read.

I haven't been able to attend church in four weeks.  I told my son Friday night that I miss being at church because, when I'm worshiping with other believers and singing hymns and praise songs, I feel like I'm not sick and that God is healing me.  Bryan took that comment and decided to bring the church to me last night.  He organized a band and some of our friends to come over to our house for a night of worship.  What an incredible night worshiping with my friends and family and to hear people share how they feel about this  journey I have been on with such great words of encouragement.  I felt like I wasn't sick anymore.  I had no pain or sickness while everyone was here.  It seemed like a small glimpse of Heaven to me.

Thank Jerad, Cameron & Sean for leading us in worship.

God continues to show me this journey was never about me, but Him using me to tell His story to others.  I am thankful that my hope and trust will remain in Him and that He brings others along side me to keep me encouraged.

"Today is the day the Lord has made,  I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"His Grace Abounds In Deepest Waters"

John 16:32b-33 "Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me.  I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace.  In the world you will have tribulation.  But take heart; I have overcome the world."

The doctor confirmed that my cancer has progressed.  The places that were seen on the scans in September on my liver and my lungs have increased in size.  There is also a place on my back that has grown and that has been the cause of my pain this last week.  Since the disease has progressed, I can no longer be on the clinical trial that I was on.  There is a new clinical that I might start in a few weeks but we are still working out the details.  I also have fluid around one of my lungs which has been causing the shortness of breath and today I had the procedure done to drain it.  The doctor basically told us that because of the progression of the cancer, it was terminal at this point and we would only be able to manage symptoms. 

It is hard to explain the peace I have with this news.  I felt like God took me out of my body today and was explaining everything about someone else life.  I'm not in denial because it is very real to me.  Having Jesus in my life is what gives me hope in this journey.  I wouldn't want to live without Hope in Him. 

The timing of everything has been so evident to me of God being in control.  I wasn't even suppose to have a CT scan until this next Monday but it was moved up to yesterday, then was able to see the doctor to today.  We didn't think it would be possible to get the fluids drained today because we didn't get the results until noon.  They were able to fit me in at Northwest Hospital.  I was very nervous about the procedure due to the fact of having fluids drained off my abdomen several months ago was very painful to me.  When they took me back to the procedure room I prayed and asked Jesus to help me get out of the boat in the midst of the storm and keep my eyes on Him.  He showed me so much grace and there was no pain involved.  They drained almost 2 liters of fluid from my left lung.  No wonder I had shortness of breath.  My lungs now have to re adapt and expand with taking deep breaths and that feeling is a little uncomfortable.

My family and I truly appreciate all the love, prayers and support during this journey.  So many have asked what they can do for us and all I can say is pray for a miracle.  We all shared emotions together today and I am so thankful we all have peace, even though it is harder on my family and friends, I know no matter what I have victory in the end.

Tony, Bryan and David

Me, Jenna and Jordan

 Here is a song that became a theme song for our family today that I want to share.  It is called "Oceans" by Hillsong

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoZE2RsthRg.

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"Bed Rest"

God answered many prayers today on my behalf.  I was able to drink the barium for my CT scan and had no issues with swolling it or keeping it down.  Thank you to everyone that fasted and prayed for me today. We go in tomorrow morning to find out the results.

When we arrived at home this afternoon there were three men from church mowing and picking up all our leaves.  What a tremendous blessing.  Thank you Randy, Richard and Gary for all you did.  God cotinues to show us His love through others.

I was sent home after my appointment today basically on bed rest due to so much swelling in my legs  and left arm.  My potassium is still too low so I have to take medication to rebuild it.

I will rest and trust in my Savior for tomorrow's outcome.

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"Continued Grace"

Tony and I made it to Highlands this morning and was able to avoid the ER last night.  I was evaluated by a nurse and she confirmed everything with a doctor.  They decided to do blood work and found out my potassium was very low which can effect your heart. They were able to give me Laxis and potassium.  The swelling has gone down and I will be reevaluated tomorrow morning.

I go in at 10:30 AM to start drinking my barium in preperation for the CT scan. I know many are praying and fasting for me tomorrow.  My heart is overwhelmed with God's love reflected through His people. When I saw on Facebook and church email about the prayer/fasting all I could do was raise my hands, weeping and praising Jesus for such grace, love and support being shown to me.  God has this and all I have to do is continue to rest and trust in Him.

Tony went to see his mom later this afternoon and was surprised with her improvement.  She was able to make complete sentences from only being in a mumbling state a few days ago.  She even asked him for a cherry limeade from Sonic!!

Isaiah 58:6-11

⁶ “Is this not the fast which I choose,
To loosen the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the bands of the yoke,
And to let the oppressed go free
And break every yoke?
⁷ “Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry
And bring the homeless poor into the house;
When you see the naked, to cover him;
And not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
⁸ “Then your light will break out like the dawn,
And your recovery will speedily spring forth;
And your righteousness will go before you;
The glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
⁹ “Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
You will cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’
If you remove the yoke from your midst,
The pointing of the finger and speaking wickedness,
¹⁰ And if you give yourself to the hungry
And satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
Then your light will rise in darkness
And your gloom will become like midday.
¹¹ “And the Lord will continually guide you,
And satisfy your desire in scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."