"The Wondrous Cross"

Today is the greatest day in history.  We celebrate the risen Savior and the life He freely gives to anyone that will believe and accept Him.  If it weren't for the cross we wouldn't have today or any day to worship what Jesus did for us.  We sang "The Wondrous Cross" in church today and I was grateful to know that the tears falling from my eyes were tears of gratitude for ALL that He already did for me.  I didn't have to do anything to gain His love, He freely gave it and all I have to do is believe and accept His amazing grace.  One of the lines in the song says "Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all."
How many days do I neglect to give Him my best or my all?  I am thankful for today and that all my plans for this day were changed and I was blessed to be at church to worship Him and to give praise back for ALL He continues to do for me.  

Our original plans were to go to Hawaii and be gone today and all week, but my new chemo treatment changed those plans.  We decided a trip to Branson for the weekend would be a good getaway for us, but Friday came and my body decided it was best for me to stay home.  I was in bed all day with sickness and spent Saturday recovering.  I wanted to have a pity party when Friday came and I felt I had messed up our anniversary plans twice.  Tony being the best husband ever told me that it didn't matter where we were, as long as he was with me it didn't matter if we were in Hawaii, Branson or our home, he would be a happy man.  How can you complain or grumble when God blesses you with a husband that loves you so unconditionally and just loves to be with you.  

After lunch we went to hang out with The Kerby family and watch Hudson Easter Egg hunt.  That in itself was worth staying at home.  He was a happy little guy looking for all his eggs.

The McCollum's invited us over this afternoon and what a blessing to spend time with their family.  They prayed over me and Tony.  We had a nice relaxing time visiting and catching up with each other lives.  We ended our evening at Bryan and Jenna's house. They made us a nice steak dinner and we were able to spend more time with Hudson and Rhett.  I am so thankful for feeling so much better today and for the time with family and friends.  God's love is amazing and so divine!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdIKrcZYYjo

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"Miracles Do Happen"

My Daddy at our house several years ago

 My dad broke his wrist on December 31, 2012.  Soon after he went into the hospital for an outpatient surgery to fix the broken bones, he had to be placed in ICU on a ventilator.  I was able to fly to West Texas to be with my family and see my dad each day struggling for life with a machine breathing for him.  Who would have thought a broken wrist could turn into such a complicated situation.  His lung doctor told the family that we needed to consider what would my dad really want, and would being on a ventilator be something he would desire.  My parents had papers drawn up a long time ago stating that they did not want to be put on a ventilator/breathing machine.  No one in the family wanted to make a decision of choosing life or death for my dad.  We prayed and were trusting that God would take care of my dad's days that He had already ordained for him. Soon after I came back home, my dad was slowly taken off the ventilator and moved into a regular hospital room.  He was put into a rehab facility at the end of February.  We were concerned that he might have dementia because he couldn't seem to comprehend anything or make sense. My sister-in-law works with home health care and during a visit asked the nurse if they had checked my dad for a UTI (urinary tract infection).  She has seen many patients that have a UTI experience confusion that goes along with it.  They checked him and sure enough that is what was going on.  After several days of being on an antibiotic his mind cleared up.  I am so thankful to say that today, my dad was able to walk into his own home and be with my mom again.  He will have home health care several days a week, but at least he is home and he beat the odds of what the doctors thought would never happen.  God still performs miracles!!

My daddy today-Home Sweet Home!!!

Yesterday I did not know the results of my CA125 marker (cancer markers)  It usually takes a full day or two to get the results.  My doctor thought they would know by the end of the day yesterday, but I never received a phone call.  I called Highlands Oncology this morning and found out my markers had dropped a little over 50 points.  I went from 291.7 to 239.1.  What a reason to celebrate that God is answering prayers and a great work continues to take place with my healing.  Jordan, Heather and I went this afternoon to celebrate with yogurt.  I told the lady at Yum Yo's we were celebrating and she wanted to know why and I told her about my markers, so she celebrated and gave us a discount and celebrated with us.  We got back to work and I received a phone call from a random number and almost didn't answer but decided to see who it was.  It was my doctor calling with the great news.  The nurse is the one that normally calls, but the Dr wanted to tell me herself.  I told her that I had cheated and already called but I wanted to hear her tell me the number anyways.  She was so excited that after 2 treatments of chemo my numbers had dropped so much.  What a blessing to have a doctor that takes the time to call and give me great news and to genuinely care about her patient.  Deuteronomy 2:7 "For the Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands.  He knows your going through the great wilderness.  These forty years the Lord your God has been with you.  You have lacked nothing."  I am thankful that God doesn't leave me alone but has been with me every step of the way and I can say I have never lacked anything in my life.  His mercies are new every morning, great is His faithfulness

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"No Chemo Today"

Lamentations 3:21-25 "But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:  The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I will hope in him.  The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him." 

I am thankful that I can go to bed each night and rest so peacefully and not let the cares of this world or my health overwhelm me.  I never know what the new day will bring, but I do know that God is the One that is already sovereign over my days and I will continue to rest and trust in Him.  The verse above talks about His mercies are new every  morning, not occasionally, but every morning.  It also talks about His faithfulness and not my faithfulness.  I will continue to wait on Him and thankful it's not about me but about keeping my eyes on Him daily. 

I went in today for chemo but was unable to receive it.  All my blood work looked good except for my platelet count (clots your blood).  Last week I was able to get shots to help rebuild my white blood cell count and was able to get a blood transfusion to rebuild the blood in my body.  There is not a quick fix for platelets other than resting from chemo.  The average is 174-390 and my number was 53.  If all goes as planned, I will get both chemo infusions next week. 

I ran into a lady at Highlands Oncology today that I've been praying for almost daily.  We've only spoken once, but she's been on my heart.  I wasn't sure if it was her because the last time we saw each other, we were both bald and now we both have hair.  She has beautiful eyes so I was taking a chance it was her.  So thankful I talked to her.  She was able to tell me that she has been clear from cancer since September and goes in every 4 months for check ups.  What a praise to know she is doing so well.  She was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer last year and has 2 small children. 

God continues to encourage me daily through others.  Someone told me tonight that when she can't sleep at night, she gets on her knees and prays for me.  Wow!! I am so humbled by His grace and the love of others.  There is no doubt that is why I sleep so good at night, others are praying me through the nights and days.  I would love to thank everyone that has prayed or continues to pray for me.  God is so good and I will continue to wait and seek Him.

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"Happy Anniversary"

Today Tony and I celebrate 19 years of marriage together.  I can truly say I feel like the most blessed woman in the world.  I know this past year has not been easy for my husband.  I've been on the other side of taking care of a spouse and at times you are at a loss on what to do or say to help.  There is no doubt that people are praying for my husband.  I pray for him everyday and trust that God will continue to give him grace to face each new day and challenge that he comes up against.  It is a blessing to know that the vows we took, "for better or worse, in sickness and in health, til death do us part" are not just words but a commitment that was made many years ago to each other and to God.  Tony's love for me continues to remind me of the love that Jesus has for me and how much greater that love really is.  I Corinthians 13:4-7a "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends."   These scriptures are how I would describe Tony Pate and how he treats me.  I would also describe him in this way; Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."

We decided to go eat at Shogun's tonight to celebrate our anniversary.  We were seated at the grill like we normally are but this time we were by ourselves and sat and waited a few minutes before the waitress told us we could move to the middle of the seating area because we would be the only ones served tonight at that table.   It's like God knew Tony and I needed time alone and had our own personal chef.  All the other "grills" were full of people sitting around them.  I am so thankful for the time we had and so grateful that the food tasted so good.  When you go several months with food not tasting good, it is an extra blessing to be able to have your taste buds back. 

Me & my "Darlin"

 I will continue to cherish our marriage and relationship with each other.   Thank you Tony for the peace I have in my life having you right beside me.  You make me feel secure and so loved.  I am thankful that 19 years ago you weren’t afraid (or maybe your were) to fly to Houston to become my husband.  You had so many reasons to run the other way, but chose to run to me instead.  Can’t imagine or want to imagine how different my life would be today without you or where my kids would be without you.   You make my world a much happier place and I pray you know how much you are loved by me and that I never want to take for granted the relationship we share together.  You are my bestest friend ever and I love you more today than I ever have before.  Thank you for saying “yes” to me 19 years ago.  Your one and only “Lucy”

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"Branson Trip"

Tony and I made a trip to Branson with the girls to see the "Joseph" show.  We stopped in Pea Ridge for a burger.

GPa, Kimberly, Me & Kaitllyn

 

 

Jordan and David were already in Branson for the weekend so we met them at Andy's for dessert.

Jordan, David, Kimberly & Kaitlyn

Kimberly, GPa, Kaitlyn and Me

Kaitlyn & Kimberly

We loved the show and were thankful to be able to take the girls to see it.  We had a great day and week together and are sad to have to say goodbye tomorrow.  So thankful God allowed us to have this time together and for the fun we've had all week.  May I never take for granted time with family and always cherish the memories that have been made.  Psalms 100:5 "For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations."  I pray for our children and grandchildren daily and trust that they will see God's faithfulness in their lives and love Him with all their heart, mind, soul and strength.  I am so thankful for His faithfulness He has shown to our family and I will continue to keep my eyes on Him.

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it." 

"God Is Gracious"

My day began with my son Bryan picking me up and taking me to the hospital for a blood transfusion.  He has not been able to go with me to my chemo appointments and he wanted to go with me today.  We arrived at 7:30 and with check in and pre-meds, the transfusion began around 9:30am.  I have to add a disclaimer into my blog tonight due to the fact that when Bryan is around you are never sure what kind of entertainment will happen.  If any of my friends or family received awkward or random phone calls from a another friend/family member but wasn't sure why they called, you can blame my son.  We had a lot of laughs together hanging out and being entertained by others.  Everything went very smoothly while receiving the transfusion and I really felt good waking up this morning and tonight as well.  We were able to leave the hospital around 3:30 today.   I am so grateful for how well I have been feeling this week and I believe all the fun and laughter we have had together with family this week has been extra healing to my soul and spirit.

Bryan, thanks for a great day of hanging out with me & making me laugh!

Tony, aka GPa, hung out with the twins and Hudson today.  He took Hudson to the "Jump Zone" while the twins hung out with Jenna.  He then picked up the twins and took all 3 grand kids to Braums for ice cream.  We all met up after my treatment and divided and conquered the rest of the afternoon. GPa took Kaitlyn to The Crystal Bridges Museum.  Kaitlyn loves art and was so excited to have time to hang out with GPa and enjoy the art without being rushed.  Kimberly and I went and bought 2 dozen Krispy Kreme donuts to help finish out their visit here (they love Krispy Kreme) then we went and bought the "Les Miserables" movie and came home and watched it. 

Kaitlyn at Crystal Bridges

Kimberly=Happy Girl!

We had dinner with Bryan and Jenna and broke out the game of Nert's for the last time as a family before the girls have to leave on Sunday.  We agree GPa plays solitaire way too much on a daily basis.  He dominated the game tonight!

Kimberly, Kaitlyn, Bryan, Richard, Tony & Jenna

Psalms 67:1 "May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face to shine upon us."
I truly believe this verse is what God has done for me and my family this week.  I've needed this week to relax, laugh and enjoy time with family.  We've made great memories and have been blessed to spend so much time together.

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"Making Memories Together"

I had to go in today for my 2nd of 3 shots to help build my white blood cells.  As I was getting ready, I felt a little different, but nothing too major to feel concerned about.  I decided it would be best if Jordan drove me to Highlands for the shot.  When I arrived I told the nurse how I was feeling and she said since my lab results were so low on Tuesday, I should go ahead and take steps to get a blood transfusion tomorrow.  I informed her that we had our twin granddaughters in town and I didn't want to mess up their week.  She told me I should have already had the transfusion before today with my numbers so low and that I had to be feeling terrible or at least she would be feeling bad if it was her.  I informed her that I really didn't feel bad and wanted to have my blood drawn again to confirm if I really needed the transfusion.  She agreed to go through the process to confirm what she already thought she knew.  While we were waiting, I told Jordan that if the numbers were the same or had gone up slightly, I would not go to the hospital.  After a short time of waiting, the results were back and the numbers had gone down.  I couldn't argue with the nurse anymore and knew the best thing to do was take care of myself.  Jordan and I headed to the hospital to have my blood drawn and to have it crossed checked for tomorrow's transfusion.  Thankfully everything went smoothly and we were not at the hospital long and were able to meet Tony and the twins for our afternoon movie.  I am so thankful that the way my body feels, doesn't match up to the lab results on paper.  I have no doubt that it is God's grace answering so many prayers on my behalf and carrying me along this journey.  Psalms 59:16-17 "But I will sing of your strength; I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning.  For you have been to me a fortress and a refuge in the day of my distress.  O my Strength,  I will sing praises to you, for you, O God, are my fortress, the God who shows me steadfast love."  I truly know it is His strength that allows me to face each new day and He is my fortress.  It is amazing how quickly the shots I am taking have boosted my white blood cells and to know that with a few units of blood, my HGB will go up to where it needs to be.  I continue to thank Him for the fact that I have great people to treat and take care of me, but ultimately, He is healing me.  I have felt better this week than I  have in a long time and I give Him all the praise for the fact that He is my Redeemer and Hope. 

Tony, Jordan, the twins and I all met up at the movies.  We went to see Oz:The Great and Powerful.  We were all in agreement that once the movie started, you had to be on drugs to enjoy this movie.  I understand everyone has their own opinion on liking movies or not, but we all felt the same way about this movie.  After it was over, I told them we had just made a great memory together.  We would never forget the year they visited on Spring Break and the horrible movie we all saw.  We had lots of fun laughing about the movie and so thankful for the memories we made today. 

GPa, Kaitlyn,Kimberly and Me

Jordan, Katilyn, Me & Kimberly

It was nice to come home on a very cold day and have GPa build a fire in the fireplace.  We've enjoyed our week with the girls and it has gone by way too fast.  They have been such a blessing to me this week and have truly brought joy into all our lives just being together. 

GPa & the girls spending time together-priceless!

 

 

 

 

 We've had a great time the last two night playing Nert's with the family.  Bryan and Jenna played with us last night and GPa joined in tonight.  Kimberly and Kaitlyn finally won a game each tonight and were thrilled.

GPa, Kimberly, Jordan, David & Kaitlyn

 "Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"Chemo Day"

Jordan and the twins accompanied me to the doctor today.  They got to see how it is to play musical chairs when I go in for treatment.  First, I start off downstairs for lab work, then we go upstairs and wait to see the doctor, then we go into another room for my chemo treatments.  I actually felt very good today and haven't felt this good in a while.  My lab work showed a different report.  All  my blood work is very low.  I will be getting Neupogen shots (helps rebuild my white blood cells) for the next 3 days and my doctor thinks I will need a blood transfusion by the end of the week.  The fluid in my stomach was much better today but by night time things worsen and I always feel pregnant.  My doctor is thinking I will need to have the fluid drained again by then end of the week as well.  My cancer markers have started to decline-thank you Jesus!! They haven't gone down a lot but at least they are going down.  They went from 320.6 three weeks ago to 291.7 as of last week.  They did not recheck me today for the CA 125.

I choose not to believe the paper work and will continue to take one day at a time.  I received so many text, emails, and messages today of people that were praying for me.  Some responded that they couldn't sleep last night, so they prayed for me.  Several sent me scriptures and had a song sent to me.  There is no doubt in my mind that God is sustaining me each day and showing me such favor and grace to face each new day through the faithfulness of others.   Here are a few verses sent to me today from some friends:

Psalms 16:18 "I keep my eyes always on the Lord.  With Him at my right hand, I will not be shaken"

Mark 11:22-24 "Have faith in God.  Truly I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, be taken up and thrown into the sea, and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that what he says will come to pass, it will be done for him.  Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

I had a great afternoon and evening with the family again and so thankful to have life today with all of them.
Below are a few pictures of our day together:

Jordan, Kaitlyn, Me & Kimberly hanging out on my chemo day.

Lunch at Station Cafe with part of the family; Jenna, Kaitlyn, Kimberly, Me, Jordo, Bryan, Hudson and Rhett

Hudson enjoying his tiny ice cream cone

Kimberly, Jordan & Kaitlyn after our tour of Walton 5 & 10 museum

 The girls and I went and checked out the new hotel in downtown Bentonville.  Very interesting and unusual art pieces.

Kimberly, Me, Kaitlyn and Jordo with random green penguin and strange chandelier with wigs

Kaitlyn, Jordan and Kimberly hanging out in comfy chairs

Kaitlyn, Me and Kimberly with random paper art 

 

 

One last thing I don't want to forget to share.  My brother and sister in law were going with us to Hawaii in a few weeks and since we cancelled the trip, we were praying that they could get their money back.  My doctor wrote notes for both of us to get refunds on our airfare.  My brother contacted American Airlines on Thursday and he was told it could take up to four weeks for a response.  Yesterday he received an email letting him know that he would receive vouchers for the full amount purchased and he could use them not only for himself and his wife but for anyone.  Tony called yesterday too and was told the same thing.  Originally my brother was told he had one year from when he purchased the tickets to use the vouchers but the email stated that he had one year from when the airlines refund the vouchers to reuse them.  The funny thing is, the note my doctor wrote was never faxed or emailed and the American Airlines took my brother's and Tony's word and took care of the whole reimbursement.  It makes me thankful to see there are great companies out there that take care of others and can waive policies but it really makes me grateful to know that God is the One that took care of this whole issue.  It's just another reminder to me that He works ALL things out for good for those that love Him. 

Here is the song sent to me today and it rings true tonight in my spirit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6yDFn3OAFo

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"Family Time=Healing"

I can't think of a better place to be than with my family.  Every moment I'm with any of my family, I feel peace and God's healing over me.  God has blessed me with such an incredible supportive family and I cherish every moment with them.  Our twin grand daughters that live in California are with us this week for their Spring Break.  The fact that they choose to come stay with us at the age of 14, brings us great joy.  I may be partial but they are the most amazing teenage girls.  They love Jesus, are modest, respectful, grateful and just appreciate hanging out with their G-Pa and G-Ma.  We spent the evening at Bryan and Jenna's house eating and just enjoying time together laughing, playing video games and even making a few prank phone calls.  God is so good and I never want to take these moments for granted. 

Me & Rhett

GPa & Hudson

Jenna & Hudson making us cookies

Kimberly & Rhett

Kaitlyn & Rhett

Kimberly, Kaitlyn and Rhett

Aunt Doe & Rhett

Bryan & Hudson

Tony, Jenna, Bryan, David, Jordan, Kailtyn & Kimberly

Bryan, David & Jenna playing Nintendo

Bryan and Me enjoying some "prank" phone call time

Tomorrow I go for my 2nd round of new chemo.  The twins and Jordan are going with me.  This past week God has been so gracious to me.  I've had several different side effects but He gave me grace to face each new day.  I was able to wake up each morning, breath, talk, walk, eat, drink and enjoy life that He is blessing me with.  Each new day is a gift from Him. 

Yesterday our pastor spoke on Psalms 37:4-5 "Trust in the Lord, and do good; and he will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act."   He spoke about not quitting on this journey we are on with the Lord and to trust Him.  How many times do we want to quit and never realize the blessings of the Lord were right around the corner for us.  What if Job would have quit trusting in God and turned his back?  I'm thankful that he didn't quit and we can see how his outcome was far greater than he could have ever expected.  To be honest, I've had moments of wanting to quit, but God shows up and sends me His reminders that He has never left me or forsaken me.  I will continue to trust Him on this journey and know that He has a far greater outcome for me than I could ever imagine. 

"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."

"Fasting Part 2"

Our youth group meets once a month corporately (7th-12th) grades in our main worship area instead of splitting up between junior and senior high groups, and we bring in a speaker, Ed Newton from Memphis to speak to the students and adults.  This time last year Ed challenged students and adults to fast from something for a month and during that time they were fasting, to remember to pray for my healing.  We saw God do amazing things last year when this took place.  One month after the fast began, we saw my cancer markers  lower than they had ever been and the report from my surgery was "remarkable, remarkable, remarkable" by my doctor.  He saw no signs of tumor growth in my abdomen.   

Today Ed and Hutch (our youth pastor) decided it was time to call another fast on my behalf.  They called me forward to share what has been going on this past year.  What a privilege it is to be able to stand in front of adults and students and continue to tell them that God isn't finished with His story yet.  I believe His healing is already taking place and He is going to continue to do amazing things on this journey.  We have 3 weeks before we meet again as a whole group.  I have no idea what people will fast from, social media, a meal a day, sodas, etc. but God knows each heart that will fast and I truly believe He will show us all what an awesome God He is.  My prayer is that those that do fast will draw closer to our Creator and see that to be a follower of Christ there are things we need to give up everyday to keep our eyes on Him and not ourselves. 

My heart has been so encouraged today by previous comments on yesterday's post.  So many that pray for me that will never meet me until we are in Heaven, even little preschoolers and their teacher praying on my behalf.  I spent my lunch hour talking with a sweet sister in Christ that has recently gone through a stem cell transplant.  I have no idea or can even comprehend what her life has been like for many years but especially these past few months.  She is home now and we had a great visit but the best part was our time in prayer for each other over the phone claiming victory over all God has done and continues to do in our lives. 

Last night was the first time in a long time that I went to bed and didn't have to take extra strength Tylenol for pain.  I woke up several times during the night and the pain I've been having was so much less than what it has been.  I was able to get up and move more freely than I have been and the swelling in my stomach and top of my leg area is almost gone.  This all taking place after one round of new chemo treatment.  Coincidence??  I think not, God has healed me and I believe He is cleaning out the remains immediately of what is left inside that needs to go away.  This I know, He is a great God and I will continue to give Him all the praise. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5_qDtV_nm8

"Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it"

"A New Chapter Begins With God's Story"

Today began with 2 new chemo's being administered into my port.  My friend Theresa Bonds went with me and I couldn't have asked for everything to go more smoothly.  I had lab work done first to see where my blood counts would be.  Last week I was told that I would need a blood transfusion this week.  I am so grateful to say that isn't the case.  My numbers are up so I did not need a transfusion.  To God be the glory, great things He continues to do! 

Me & Theresa

Heather & Jordan brought us lunch today.  Thanks girls!!!

 We settled down in the corner of the clinic and were able to spread out with Theresa's knitting stuff and my new cookbook.  She brought her Kindle so we listened to instrumental worship music.  We prayed over the chemo as it began to go into my body and I am believing and trusting that this new chemo is going to go in and attack all the bad cells and set my body free from this disease.  The cookbook I ordered is called "Cancer-Fighting Kitchen" by Rebecca Katz.  It has some amazing recipes and ideas for nourishing cancer treatment and recovery.  I told  Tony last night the greatest thing to happen would be to have a cook come with the book.  I shared that with Theresa today and she took it upon herself to make me the first meal from the book.  The author of the book has a master in nutrition and has researched different foods that help fight cancer cells. 

"Thai It Up Chicken Soup" Thank you Theresa

After my treatment today, I called MD Anderson to see if they received my email.  I ended up talking to a lady in the gynecology department and explained my situation and that today I had started my new chemo treatment.  For now we will continue this new treatment in Bentonville and if we see no changes within a month, a trip to Houston will be on our agenda.  Several times yesterday God's word reminded me to "be strong and take courage and wait upon the Lord".  Our hearts have been encouraged by so many and God's grace continues to give us peace in the midst of this storm.  The big picture is still being orchestrated by Him and our prayer is that we will be faithful in everything we say and do so that others will see what an awesome God we serve!

"Wreath made by Sandra Roberts"

God continues to use others to show us His love.  Sandra Roberts came over Friday right after we arrived home from the doctor and brought a new Easter wreath she had made for me.  It was perfect timing of a reminder that we are never forgotten and that we are loved by our Creator. 

"Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."

"New Chemo = No Hawaii"

Today Tony and I decided a trip to Hawaii would not be the smartest thing for me during this phase of my journey.  I have chemo scheduled for the next three weeks and the drug that my doctor is giving without insurance approval would be scheduled the week we were to be gone.  We feel this is the wisest decision for now and we have no idea how this new chemo will effect my body.  Chemo and being in the sun do not equal smart decisions.  How can you go to Hawaii and not be out in the sun?  We will have a more joyous reason to celebrate once this enemy is defeated!

Tony did some research about MD Anderson and there was a place to submit a second opinion question on-line.  We filled out all the information and should hear back from them by Tuesday.  We are seeking guidance and wisdom on this journey and trusting that the Lord will direct our steps in every area of our lives.  Psalms 25:4-5 "Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths.  Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long."

We received an email back from MD Anderson with a confirmation number attached and at the end of the numbers was LCY.  Might not mean much to others, but Tony calls me Lucy and we thought it was maybe a confirmation from the Lord  that we did what we were supposed to do.

I am thankful to have had peace about everything these last few days and I know many have lifted me and my family up in your prayers.  God's grace is sustaining us and we will continue to trust and wait upon Him.

Psalms 27:13-14 "I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord, in the land of the living!  Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!

"Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."

"Let Faith Arise"

Psalm 121 "I lift up my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.  He will not let your foot slip-he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel (Janet) will neither slumber nor sleep.  The Lord watches over you-the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord will keep you from all harm-he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."

I went in today to see my oncologist at Highlands.  We had a list of questions to ask her and I believe she would have stayed in the room with us for hours to answer any question.  The new treatment I started 3 months ago is no longer working and things have only gotten worse.  As of Tuesday,  I will be on a treatment called Topotecan.  Last year my surgeon sent off my tumors to see what chemo drugs should work the best against the tumors I have.  Doxil, the treatment I have been on, showed to be the most effective one to work, but as we have seen over the past 3 months, it hasn't worked.  Topotecan is the next one on the list.  I will be going in weekly for treatment for 3 weeks, then take a week off.  The other drug that my insurance wouldn't approve, Avastin, still did not get approved but my oncologist has decided to give it to me anyway and try and get a drug rep to take care of the expense.  She said it didn't matter, I would be receiving the drug no matter what.  I believe that is answered prayer, thank you Jesus!!  Avastin will be given every 3 weeks.  We discussed Hawaii with her and she said we could still go but her advice would be not to postpone any treatments.  She was somber while talking with us today and admitted that she was there to treat me, but ultimately God was going to have to be the One to heal me.  My faith remains in Him and I will continue to trust Him completely on this journey. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2_31DNGyxI

"Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."

"Awake My Soul"

It's been almost a week since I last blogged.  I must admit that this past week has been a roller coaster of emotions both physically and spiritually.  There were times when I wasn't sure if healing was part of God's plan for my life or if the spiritual slump I started feeling was getting the best of me.  When you don't feel good, sometimes nothing seems to make much sense.  Over the last week and a half  the fight seemed to be taking a toil on my body and I had no appetite, hence more unwanted weight loss.  I never could understand when my mom was losing so much weight over the past few years why she couldn't just eat food anyway to maintain weight.  Now I understand, when it doesn't taste good, its hard to force it down.  I actually felt like I was starving myself to death.  I would be so hungry but the food wouldn't taste good and with very few bites my stomach became bloated.  It seemed like I was on a vicious down spiral.  This past Sunday was the first time in what seems like forever that I was able to attend church or even felt like going.  Oh how I missed being with my friends and corporately worshiping with others.  I was able to begin eating more on Sunday and as the week has gone by, I have been able to eat 3 good meals a day or at least compared to what I was eating.  On Sunday I started telling people I needed a  miracle in my life and the struggles I was facing with  my health.  I even started doubting if our Hawaii trip at the end of this month would be possible.

Last night Tony left to go see his mom and I had a message from a sweet friend about a website to look into about healing.  I never connected to where she was telling me to go, but I put down my iPad and begin talking out loud to Jesus.  I know He hears me and intercedes for me and I am so grateful for that promise and peace.  I began sharing my heart, my frustrations, my fears and then I began thanking Him for all that He has already done for me in my life.  I then began telling Him my heart's desires and realizing that His Holy Spirit is already alive in me and if He can raise Jesus from dead, I knew He could heal my body.  He and I had a worship service alone in my den and I started claiming victory in the name of Jesus that I am healed.  Not that He would heal me, but that I am healed.  By His stripes I am healed!!!! Isaiah 53:5 "But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed."  He already paid the price for everything, it was time for me to begin telling Him that I accept all that He did and will continue to do in my life.  I don't want to live a defeated life as a Christian, I want to live a life of fullness in Him and to let others know what a mighty God we serve!

I haven't been able to sleep in our bed for several weeks now and during my sweet time alone last night with Jesus, I asked and believed that He would allow me to get into my bed and sleep peacefully and comfortably all night.  What a blessing to wake up this morning knowing that He gave me great rest and I was still in my bed.  I actually had a smile on my face and thanked Him for such a big blessing.  I know several continue to pray for my healing but now I am saying let's join together and thank Him for my healing.  I went in for lab work on Monday and everything looked good except for my HGB.  I should have been at 11.7 and I was at 8.7.  They considered giving me a couple of units of blood but I didn't have all the symptoms that would require getting blood.  My doctor wants to see me on Friday to discuss future treatments.  I am confident that God uses doctors to treat and He ultimately is the Great Physician to heal me.

I woke up today with a whole knew mind set of knowing Who continues to work in and through my life and gives me the grace to face each new day.  I feel like new life has come into my body and I am looking forward to seeing what my Creator is going to show others through this journey.  Below is a new song that many might not understand but it was the song I needed today that God spoke life into my dry bones and He breathed new life into my spirit and I feel like that is what He did for me last night as we conversed with each other.  Ezekiel 37:1-14 is where this song was written.  I highlighted the scriptures tonight and wrote "I am healed! Breathe on me!  (The video is at the bottom of the lyrics-click play)

http://www.lyricshall.com/lyrics/Chris+Tomlin/Awake+My+Soul/

"Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."