It's been almost a week since I last blogged. I must admit that this past week has been a roller coaster of emotions both physically and spiritually. There were times when I wasn't sure if healing was part of God's plan for my life or if the spiritual slump I started feeling was getting the best of me. When you don't feel good, sometimes nothing seems to make much sense. Over the last week and a half the fight seemed to be taking a toil on my body and I had no appetite, hence more unwanted weight loss. I never could understand when my mom was losing so much weight over the past few years why she couldn't just eat food anyway to maintain weight. Now I understand, when it doesn't taste good, its hard to force it down. I actually felt like I was starving myself to death. I would be so hungry but the food wouldn't taste good and with very few bites my stomach became bloated. It seemed like I was on a vicious down spiral. This past Sunday was the first time in what seems like forever that I was able to attend church or even felt like going. Oh how I missed being with my friends and corporately worshiping with others. I was able to begin eating more on Sunday and as the week has gone by, I have been able to eat 3 good meals a day or at least compared to what I was eating. On Sunday I started telling people I needed a miracle in my life and the struggles I was facing with my health. I even started doubting if our Hawaii trip at the end of this month would be possible.
Last night Tony left to go see his mom and I had a message from a sweet friend about a website to look into about healing. I never connected to where she was telling me to go, but I put down my iPad and begin talking out loud to Jesus. I know He hears me and intercedes for me and I am so grateful for that promise and peace. I began sharing my heart, my frustrations, my fears and then I began thanking Him for all that He has already done for me in my life. I then began telling Him my heart's desires and realizing that His Holy Spirit is already alive in me and if He can raise Jesus from dead, I knew He could heal my body. He and I had a worship service alone in my den and I started claiming victory in the name of Jesus that I am healed. Not that He would heal me, but that I am healed. By His stripes I am healed!!!! Isaiah 53:5 "But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed." He already paid the price for everything, it was time for me to begin telling Him that I accept all that He did and will continue to do in my life. I don't want to live a defeated life as a Christian, I want to live a life of fullness in Him and to let others know what a mighty God we serve!
I haven't been able to sleep in our bed for several weeks now and during my sweet time alone last night with Jesus, I asked and believed that He would allow me to get into my bed and sleep peacefully and comfortably all night. What a blessing to wake up this morning knowing that He gave me great rest and I was still in my bed. I actually had a smile on my face and thanked Him for such a big blessing. I know several continue to pray for my healing but now I am saying let's join together and thank Him for my healing. I went in for lab work on Monday and everything looked good except for my HGB. I should have been at 11.7 and I was at 8.7. They considered giving me a couple of units of blood but I didn't have all the symptoms that would require getting blood. My doctor wants to see me on Friday to discuss future treatments. I am confident that God uses doctors to treat and He ultimately is the Great Physician to heal me.
I woke up today with a whole knew mind set of knowing Who continues to work in and through my life and gives me the grace to face each new day. I feel like new life has come into my body and I am looking forward to seeing what my Creator is going to show others through this journey. Below is a new song that many might not understand but it was the song I needed today that God spoke life into my dry bones and He breathed new life into my spirit and I feel like that is what He did for me last night as we conversed with each other. Ezekiel 37:1-14 is where this song was written. I highlighted the scriptures tonight and wrote "I am healed! Breathe on me! (The video is at the bottom of the lyrics-click play)
"Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."