How do you begin saying goodbye to friends and loved ones?
As most of you know I went to the ER on Monday. I had been to radiation
and spent the afternoon with Jordan. I started having chest pains and
my hands started tingling. I figured it was anxiety related and decided
to go home. At the last minute I decided
ER was the better option. I am thankful the right decision was made. I
found out last night that it was a heart attack and it was not minor. I
feel this is still someone else's body everything is happening to. It
seems like another box continues to be checked
off my list. Who would have thought a heart attack could be added to my
list? My platelet count (allows your blood to clot) continues to drop
as well. I should be over 150,000 but when I was admitted I was at
38,000 and before going home today it had dropped
to 20,000. Below 10,000 is critical so we will continue to monitor.
We could choose several options, but my family, oncologist and myself
agree that it's time to surrender it all to the Lord. I feel He's told
me all along to wait and trust in Him. So I was discharged today and we
are home waiting for His perfect timing.
We will be talking to Hospice care soon and decided to make everything
as comfortable and easy for me.
I considered letting Jenna blog for me tonight but realized this journey
might be coming to an end and I'm excited to see how the final chapter
plays out. I pray God will be very merciful to my family and they will
not see me suffer. I've lost a lot of weight
and still struggle with my appetite. I have 8 more rounds of radiation
and praying it will alleviate the lower back pain.
This is where unexplained peace comes in the midst of the storm. No one
can explain it to you. Knowing Jesus has it all in His Hands and is in
complete control is how you have this peace. We as a family have
shared many tears today but we can all say "It
is well with my soul."
"Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it."
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