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Monday, October 8, 2012

"Anxious Thoughts"

Yesterday I struggled with some anxiety.  I'm not sure why it was a difficult day, but it was.  Some days there is no explanation for being emotional, it just happens.  I am thankful to be married to a man that loves me through it all and doesn't condemn me but seems to love me all the more.  I ended up skipping church last night because I figured if I went, I would have been more emotional.  I decided to stay home, take an anxiety pill and go to bed early.  I was in bed by 8 pm and slept until 7:30 this morning.  When I woke up I read a text that Kathy Hedges sends out daily to a lot of people and this is what today's verse was:  Psalm 94:17-19 MSG "If God hadn't been there for me, I never would have made it.  The minute I said, I'm slipping, I'm falling, Your love, God, took hold of me and held me fast.  When I was upset and beside myself You calmed me down and cheered me up".   Kathy didn't know what I was going through yesterday, but my God did, and used her to encourage me with His Word.  That's how I know that God is very personable and into every detail of my life.  I've had nothing but peace today and I know God heard prayers on my behalf.  He has been holding me and He gave me calmness for this day. 

Tomorrow I go see the doctor and this visit will be different than the usual ones.  I will find out what my cancer markers are (CA125) and also the results of my CT scan done from last Friday.  When my journey began, Dr. Ivy wanted my CA125 to be below 30.  I have know idea what the outcome of tomorrow's visit will be.  I do know that good or bad, I will still praise my Savior for all He has done and for all I know He will continue to do for me in this journey. 

A friend at work, Tammy, told me a very sweet story today.  Her 3 boys shaved their heads in my honor several months back and one day they were able to share their story with a complete stranger (that had long beautiful hair) of why they had shaved their heads.  The lady recently saw Tammy and told her she was so touched by the story that she cut her hair off and gave it to "Locks of Love" also in my honor, and she has never even met me.  God continues to show me so much love from others and my heart has been more blessed than I could ever put into words.

You may wonder what in the world we are doing in the above picture.  We are painting books, lots of books for the wedding reception.  This is a very small portion of what we have to paint.  We have over 100 books to paint.  It may seem a little strange but the end result will be worth it.  Jordan and I always seem to have something to paint, so this seems normal to us.

"Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."

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