Tomorrow, Thursday, I go in for Chemo #8 as long as my white blood counts are back up. The nurse called me on Monday to let me know what my CA 125 (cancer marker) is. I am now at 40. My first reaction wasn't jumping for joy because in my mind I thought it would be much lower since each time it has been dropping about half from the previous time. I was at 45 last time. I think in my mind it was going to be below 30 and I would be told I could go on a maintenance program of less chemo. It is so easy to get caught up in "self" and forget the "big" picture of everything. My family tried to encourage me by saying "at least the numbers are going down" but my selfishness said "that's easy for you to say."
We had a guest speaker at youth tonight and he spoke about Moses and how God used him even when he didn't feel like being used or didn't feel like he was the right one to be called to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. God always sends me reminders of how this journey is not about me but about Him using me in ways I can't even see or sometimes comprehend. I have never been alone during this season of my life, and the times I want to wave the white flag and give up, God says to me like he did tonight, "But I will be with you," Exodus 3:12a I pray I will be able to have chemo tomorrow and let my light shine for Jesus to those that are around me and to those who take care of me.
I am so grateful for the encouragement and support that continues to be poured over me. I really don't know if a day has gone by that God hasn't sent me His love through the reminders of others that are praying for me, sending me sweet cards, messages on Facebook, comments on my blog or just a friendly smile. To God be the glory, great things He continues to do!
"Today is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."
Not What We Had Hoped
1 week ago